Every minute, every hour, every day is constant worry
Anxiety. Stress. Panic.
This is possibly the hardest thing I have found about having a child with special needs.
I know I know, all parents worry and stress over their children, but when you have a child with special needs, multiply that worry by a thousand.
I have two children, both boys and I worry so much more with Lachlan who has special needs, than I do with Jesse.
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Sometimes I wonder if I’ll end up having a heart attack due to the constant worry and stress I feel every day. Is he feeling ok (because he can’t explain to me how he feels). Is he ok at school. Is he being bullied. If i feed him a particular type of food will it make his ADHD worse. Is he getting enough sleep (another thing that makes his ADHD worse). When is he next going to have a meltdown. Is he getting the supports he needs. Am I doing the right thing by not medicating him. Should I be stricter on him. Should I be softer on him. Is it all my fault.
Then comes the judgement.
You know what I’m talking about. The stares, the tuts, even people we know give us that look, the look that says ‘can’t you control your child’ or ‘he’s being naughty again’. Or, if its not the judgmental looks that suggest you’re a bad parent. Its those looks of ‘oh I wonder whats wrong with him?’.
I don’t get these so much because my son looks ‘normal’, so people just assume he’s being naughty.
I mostly just get the other looks, the judgmental ones. And what infuriates me more than anything else is when people give you a look or even say in a round about way ‘its your fault, my child would never behave like this’.
I’m used to these looks, comments and stares now. But the worry, stress and anxiety; I really don’t think i’ll ever get used to that.
I love my son with all my heart and every day my heart breaks for him that he has to struggle.
To parents of children with special needs, you are all amazing you work tirelessly for your children, it is NOT your fault and you are not alone.